random thoughts: He's GONE.....

random thoughts: He's GONE.....

He's GONE.....

Well, I knew eventually this day would come. I remember when Harry Nilsson died, Roy Orbison, Syd Barrett, and a host of other musicians that I loved. But I never thought this day would come so soon. Today, the world lost one of The Monkees. If you fail to see the impact that this has had on me, read the post a few pages back titled "Why The Monkees". While he was personally not my favorite, because of his attitude toward the whole experience, and basically biting the hand that fed him, to me he was ugly on the inside. However, the world has lost someone who was an integral part of the 60's. I'm still in shock that 1/4 of my favorite group is now gone.

Headache from HELL!!!!!

One month ago today, I started to feel what I thought was a sinus cold. So, of course, I treated it as I normally would. OTC meds, sinus sprays. Well, after few days, my boss (Who is also my older sister) mentioned that when I developed my last migraine 4 years ago we also at first thought it was sinuses. So I made a Dr. appt for the following week. BAD MISTAKE!!! In the time it took me to get to my doctor, I was in the throes of a full blown migraine. Here's where it gets ugly. My Dr. gave me a narcotic shot, and some codeine and sent me home. Well, the shot lasted about an hour. And the codeine not long after that. A couple of days after that, I decided to go into the Instacare. Of course, the pain got worse on the weekend! Luckily my doc was also at the Instacare that day. So they gave me another shot, and said to try some new meds. Well, nothing improved, and I was in so much pain by this time that my husband had to take FMLA time off to take care of me and the kids. Next day, Instacare again. The doc there just shook her head, and told me "Well, I can't give you any more narcotics. WHAT????? HELLO!!! She hooked me up to oxygen for a half hour, because "with some headaches, it helps." It didn't. I waited a couple more days. Mind you, I was missing work, spending all day in bed in a dark room unable to get up.
Finally 8 days later, I had had enough. I TOLD my husband he was taking me to the ER. Went to McKay Dee, was shifted to 2 different places, and right as we got in the second room, I passed out. Woke up to them poking needles in me, and a mask of oxygen on my face. Not my favorite.
After 6 hours, a CAT scan, spinal tap, and IV meds, they sent me home with a DIFFERENT combo of meds. And gave me an appt. with a Neurologist 10 days away!!!!!!
Over time, I managed to get better, get out of my bed, and back to life. I still have good days and bad, but I take it a few hours at a time. The easiest things still wear me out, and the pressure headaches won't go away. I have a meeting with a Neurologist tomorrow, so hopefully I will get some answers.

Listen to bandakaes Playlist

You can't judge a book.

I have some family members who have struggled with drug abuse and alcoholism, and I admit that I have been very judgemental, and less than Christian in my attitude about that. And I have been very angry toward people who have personally hurt ME because of it. Having had numerous surgeries, and health trials in my life, I developed a very "pious" attitude, because,, "It would be understandable if I were to abuse pain killers, but I don't understand how YOU can."

Recently, however, I have gone thorough one of the hardest trials with a migraine. NOTHING that was prescribed by a Dr. legally, has helped much. And I had one Dr. tell me she wouldn't prescribe anything else for me because she didn't want to give me too many narcotics. And I don';t even have a history of drug abuse. I admit that I have even "defied" my Dr.s orders by talking more than prescribed, or taking it a while before I am supposed to take the next dose. Simply because I just want SOMETHING to take the pain away. I have a new understanding for people who suffer chronic pain. After 2 weeks, I am at the point where I can't put a single thought or a sentence together, I forget things, (More than I normally do) and I am so emotional (Also more than normal!) , just because I want, no NO, NEED, the pain to STOP! I have a job, a household and 2 kids to take care of, and my husband and kids have been taking care of ME for almost 3 weeks.I now know that chronic pain is unbearable, and you just want it to stop. The brain does some really desperate things when it can't function properly with good sleep, and no pain. So this is my personal apology to anyone who I may have thought bad about in the past. I understand. And I am now in your shoes. Please think before you judge someone who seems to have a problem. You NEVER know what has gone on behind the scenes.

Recipe Exchange

I have decided that, since I am no good at keeping up a blog, I am going to start a recipe exchange. So, in fairness I will post the first one. This is a yummy meatloaf recipe that I found after I got married. WHen I was younger, I HATED meatloaf. (Sorry, mom) But this one is moist and yummy, and my kids LOVE it! :)

• 1 1/2 lb 85 % lean ground beef
• 1 package Stove Top Chicken flavored stuffing mix 6 oz
• 2 large eggs
• 1 cup Heinz Ketchup

PREPARATION

Just mix altogether and pat it down into a 8 x 8 glass bakeware dish/or a loaf pan. Then bake about 45 min in 350 degree oven

Yield: "231 grams"

NOTES : Nutritional info1/6 of recipe / 231 grams

419 calories19 g fat157 g Cholesterol1032 g Sodium35 g carbohydrates1 g Fiber3 g Sugar28 g Protein

Survivors guilt

Today is Memorial Day, and I would like to dedicate this entry to some of the people I know who have lost their lives in battle. I'm not talking about the men and women of the military. I'm talking about friends, and family members who have lost the battle due to illnesses, and birth defects. And this is also dedicated to my best friend Christopher "Chip" McFarlane.
All my life, I have been told how "lucky" I am to have beaten the odds that are given to a lot of children with Spina Bifida. And how grateful I should be that I am still here, and walking and married with a family. Don't get me wrong. All this is true, and I am indeed grateful. But at this time of year, my thoughts turn to the people who weren't so lucky. My fist experience losing someone who had the same birth defect as me, came when I was only 8. Gary Ashby, a boy in my Ward at church, died on the operating table. I remember being afraid to be near his paretns, for fear that they would be angry or sad that I was still alive. I found out later that the opposite was true. Then at 12, I lost my friend Stacie to cycstic fibrosis. We had just graduated 6th grade, and were on the way to Jr. High. I found out about her death at girl's camp.
But the one that hit me the hardest, was when I lost my best friend Chip in 1995. It was in May of that year, and it couldn't have been at a harder time. I had just found out that I was pregnant with my first child. And it was the same week as the Columbine disaster.
Chip and I had only seen each other a handful of times in his short life, but there was a bond there that only we could understand. Even long after his death, I still longed for a phone call from him telling me he was in the hospital, and to come see him. The pain diminshes as the years go by, but it never disappears. I still miss him every day. And May and September, (his birthday) are hard for me.
Yes I am lucky. Yes I have been blessed. But there is another side to it too. I have had to say goodbye to a lot of good close friends who weren't so lucky. I have had to look at their families go one without them, and then worry that they will be upset thatI am still here.I have gone to the hospital numerous times and have seen children who were WAY worse off than me, and then get up and WALK out of the waiting room in front of all of them.
Yes, being a survivor is a good badge to wear. But it also comes with a price.

I'm back!!!

So I was looking at my "friend" Jen's blog yesterday.  (Yes there is a story behind the quotation marks.  She really is one of my best friends.)  She has 2 wonderful children that i am totally in love with.  Zach has Cerebral Plasy, and her daughter Emily has an eye muscle condition.  This woman has struggled so hard in the last few years, and will probably continue to struggle.  And she is doing ot all as a single mother.  I have been a single parent, and it is NOT a picnic, but to have 2 children with special needs would totally overwhelm me.  

Anyway, since I have gotten to know her and her beautiful children better, I have realized how much I have to be thankful for.  

I have taken the liberty to borrow a concept from an e-mail that I have recieved many times.

I'm Thankful.

I am thankful to get out of bed every morning, because it reminds me that I can walk.  Something that is too easy to take for granted considering that many in my situation cannot.

I am thankful that my husband and kids annoy the crap out of me.   It means that we have beaten today's odds, and remained an "intact"  family.

I'm NOT thankful that I still have to make dinner every night, but I AM thankful that we have plenty of food, because a lot of people go without.

I am thankful for my children, and the noise and the mess that they bring, because when I was younger, I didn't know whether i would have kids or not.  

I am thankful for friends who call me when they need something, or just to talk.  It means that I have friends, and the I am valued and loved.

I am thankful for my family for the same reason.

Not ready to have kids!

Scissors: $1.99 Haircut to fix "haircut: $11.00






Making sure your birth control is up to date, and effective: PRICELESS!!!!!!

I'm Thankful for..........

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!
This year, as always, I am thankful for Family and Friends who have loved me, and held me up, and helped me to become who I am today! I love you all!

Where did the time go?

I swear I am not old enough to have a teenager! I went to sleep one night, and when i woke up, my baby was a YOUNG WOMAN!!!!! I am still trying to figure out how that happened!

Election Funny

As my family was watching the results come in on Election Tuesday, we failed to see that even though Lily is only 3, that she understands more than you think. She was running around saying "I'm Barack Obama!" As the night was coming to a close, we got together for family prayer. Dad said that maybe "Barack Obama" should say it. So she got ready, and I guess dad wasn't quite ready. She looked straight at him and said "Be quiet, John McCain!" They really are listening and paying attention, even when we think they are not!

Get Checked!

O.k. I never thought that cancer would get this close to my family! My mother just recently went through a bout with Breast Cancer. She had surgery, and now the tumor is gone, and they think they got it all. But it was still too close for comfort. I will definitely be checking any moles or lumps that seem a little odd from now on.

So, Why the Monkees??????

O.k. People have asked me over the years why I got obsessed over the Monkees. So here goes. I will try to explain the last 22 years of my life the best I can.
Over the summer of 1986, my sisters and I were bored out of our minds, so we did what all children do. We turned on the T.V. We flipped through some channels, and settled on Nickelodeon. As it happened, that summer was the 20th anniversary of the Monkees t.v. show, and musical act. Well, we got into it because it was quick moving and funny. I took a liking to Davy Jones, but when my younger sister Nikki decided that he was the cutest, I went to the next best choice. Mike Nesmith. Don't ask me why. It was the whole tall, dark, and handsome thing. I found myself liking the show more and more, and looking forward to it every day. Not long after that was my birthday. I got a few Monkees tapes, and i tortured my whole family for YEARS as my collection grew. My sister was working at the local amusement park at the time, and she told me on my birthday that the Monkees were coming to Lagoon, and I was going to get to go! I was SO HAPPY. I still remember the concert 22 years later even though we were in the bleachers, and they guys looked like chipmunks.
My obsession grew. As another side note, I was born with Spina Bifida, which is a genetic deformity when the spine doesn't close all the way. I spent a lot of my childhood in the hospital, and dr.'s offices, and in clinics being poked and prodded and such. And The Monkees played a BIG part in that . I would take my little walkman to the hospital with me, my mom put up pictures on the walls of one room, and I usually had one magazine or another full of pictures.
They became my "happy place". When I was scared, I listened or ran through songs in my head. When I was sad, it was the weepy sad songs. The music became a comfort to me. In later years, I listened to mainly Michael Nesmith. The music became my "friend" when i wasn't able to play with other children. And to this day, I still pop in a Monkees CD or a Michael Nesmith CD. Though, not as often as i did as a kid. My family still turns the station when they hear a Monkees song. The songs and the show are now a staple at my house, and I have watched my kids, and my sister's kids all get into the fun.

It's been a long time

It has been a long time since I felt compelled to post anything. My life is still good in some regards, but in others, things are starting to slip. I haven't been to a Weight Watcher's meeting for a month now, and I know that I have gained weight. I stopped tracking, and then it got too hard to start tracking again. And because I gained, I stopped going to the meetings. Now i can't get motivated to go back. I just don't have the self discipline to make myself get back on track!

A moment of Awwwwwwwww..........

We all know that children say some of the cutest things. My 2 year old's grasp of the English Language is nothing short of "genius". I can have a complete conversation with Lily on any given day. But sometimes she mixes up common phrases and lexicon. Tonight, she was telling a story about something that had scared her, and she said "It scared me out of the crap!" We laughed so hard, we almost lost our dinner.

Stranger things have happened

Well, I took Kiera to the dentist today, because she had some weird growth on her gums. Well, when he checked it out he said it was a "pregnancy tumor"! I said "WHAT?" He then went on to explain that they call it that because they often see it in pregnant women. The hormones during pregnancy cause "extra skin" to form in weird places. (No kidding!) So next Monday she will have to be sedated, and have it removed along with a baby tooth that has an adult tooth growing behind it. Poor girl.

That's my Girl!

I am going to have a "proud mom" moment here, so be warned. This is the first year that my daughter Kiera has decided, for the upcoming competition season, that she wanted to do a "duo" with her friend. Well, the very first competition, with her very first duo, they took first place in their category. I was so proud of her.

latest weigh in

So today was another weigh-in. I was down .4 which was a surprise, because I thought for sure that i would be up. I wasn't really trying my hardest this week with everyone being sick. But there is, indeed, a pot at the end of the rainbow. My husband finally feels better, and the baby has been in a mostly good mood today. My 12 year old came home early from school complaining of a stomach ache, but she has a dance competition in Brigham City tomorrow, whether she feels good or not.

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

My family is STILL SICK!! I am so tired of this......... Why are men such babies when they are sick? My husband moans and groans around the house all the time! And when my daughter had the same symptoms, but went to school and dance anyway, he told her she was faking it. I told him that she is just a woman, and we persevere no matter what!